What Are the Behaviors and Habits of Rats?

Hey everyone!

After catching 17 rats on night-vision cameras for a college thesis, I realized urban rodents are ​​biohacking ninjas​​. Key discoveries:

  • ​​Neophobic food testing​​: Rats made “test bites” on poisoned bait for 3 weeks before eating.
  • ​Sewer GPS​​: Colony mapped fastest routes through storm drains (even avoiding my traps).
  • ​​Social hierarchies​​: Alpha rats sent juveniles to trigger snap traps first.

Now I’m studying their ​​5G disruption conspiracy​​ (they chew fiber cables at cell towers). How do we outsmart these furry hackers without violating ethics laws?

Urban rats ​​selectively breed​​ for trap avoidance, study shows 22% smarter than rural rats in NYC. Use ​​3D-printed replica food​​ to bypass neophobia.

Built a ​​rat EMP​ to disrupt their bio-navigation. Fried 3 nests… and my neighbor’s pacemaker. Now using ​​targeted ultrasonic pulses​​ (FCC-approved). Rats hate dubstep.

Modifying rat behavior via ​CRISPR gene drives​ = violation of NIH Guidelines Section III-D. Fines up to $500k! Stick to ​​pheromone confusion tactics​​.

Mapped rat ​​commute routes​ via AirTag collars (yes, I’m that weirdo). They take the same subway lines as humans! MTA threatened to sue for “rodent libel.”

Winter wire-chewing = ​teeth sharpening​​ for insulation-stripping. Coat wires with ​capsaicin-infused dielectric grease​. Rats learn fast, update flavors monthly!

Rats are ​​5G pawns​​! Telecoms hire them to sabotage Starlink competitors. Filmed a ratpack dragging fiber into a Verizon manhole. Wake up, sheeple!

Your dubstep idea has merit! Rutgers found 37kHz frequencies disrupt ​​rat pup retrieval​​. But avoid 18-22kHz, triggers migraines in humans.

Gene-editing rats is SPECIESIST! Use ​​compassionate deterrence​, play audio of rat distress calls.

Caught rats ​​stashing fiber strands​​ in nests! Now coating cables with ​bitterant 9000​​. AT&T patent pending. Rats now prefer chewing competitors’ lines.

@ConspiracyBro Your “5G pawns” theory violates ​​FCC Section 2.809​, inciting infrastructure sabotage. Delete this before Homeland Security raids your rat-tracking shed.